I let me get me down.
Talking myself out of the prize.
Accepting defeat before I get set on my mark.
My twin moon enjoys the see saw of thoughts.
The highs fighting for control of the weighted lows.
I wonder what it’s like NOT being emotion driven…
Not to follow my heart’s EVERY desire…
Not to be so free with myself and my love…
Not feel like a fool when it doesn’t end up the way I expected.
There’s no if…it’s when.
I got in to win.
Victorious? Maybe..too early to call it.
The field is level…but I’m so much higher than those other plains.
So I sprint.
Last curves? Straightaway. No brakes.
Wait. This ain’t no race…
Let me pace myself.
Stride right, left…right?
So much more to go.
You woke up a dormant heart.
One I thought I locked away…at least for now.
Didn’t want naan part…now aroused fully.
Curiousity peaking as I peek at pics of pretty.
Slight twang when u speak…
Southern belle leaks from your lips…
Words passionately placed in my lobes.
The tone etching it’s way into my memory.
How I would love it in stac ca to…
When will you sing for me?
No other word needed to describe the heat radiating from Toni’s body. I can’t believe I just let a woman give me her number. She was sexy as hell, though. I better hit! But if I don’t…
All sorts of thoughts were sprinting through her mind. Was Tae single? Was she intelligent? Is she bi? Any kids? Abusive? Drug and disease free? So many things to ponder and consider before she even THOUGHT of making that call. Being an Aries, Toni enjoyed the chase. She liked the fact Tae came off straight forward and left the ball in her court. She already knew she was going to call. She peeped her when she walked in from the rain. Wearing a white v-neck, the rain made her shirt stick to her slender frame, accenting a pair of firm, full breasts and flat stomach. Even with baggy cargo shorts, you could see Tae’s hips and nice ass when she walked past to the cooler. Toni made sure she got a few glances on the low. When she walked up behind her, she could smell a hint of Hanae Mori for men. That was one of her favorite colognes and she was immediately aroused. Should I speak to her? I’ll wait. Damn, she smells wonderful. Yes…come closer to me.
Tae was casually stepping back home feeling on cloud 10. It’s like the rain took a time out after her good fortune. Man…I haven’t done that in forever. She was too gorgeous to pass up! That body…her scent…those eyes…mannnnn…I hope she hits me up. I shoulda called my phone from hers! Fuck…I wasn’t thinking. She’ll call. Yea…she’ll call. I hope she calls…
"Welcome to the Michigan daily midday lottery drawing! Today’s 3 digit is 1-0….2! That’s 1-0-2! And now to our 4 digit drawing…" Click. Toni hit the button on the remote. She cursed. She smiled and picked up her phone. ”I didn’t hit. You owe me a meal. Tacos, please.” Send.
Tae turned the tv off and went to grab her mary. As she’s dumping the rillo, her she hears, “OH MY GAWD IT’S A TEXT MESSAGE!” I gotta change that. Who in the hell….oh shit! Tacos, huh? Imma take her to the taco trap and let her get some $2 tacos in her life…we can chill and kick it. This will be good! Her smirk evolved into the biggest grin ever. She had a date!
"Muthafuck this rain!", Tae exclaimed shuffling into the gas station. "I gotta pay more attention to the weather." She casually strolled over to cooler # 4, grabbed her daily energy drink, and strolled to the lottery line. Popping the can, she looked over the rim to see the autobahn curves of a brown skin woman. Damn, she thought, taking a swig. She stood closer and was able to inhale the fragrance she hoped to have in her bed sheets. Taking a quick peek over the lady’s shoulder, she noticed she was writing down numbers.
"You should play my birthday. It’s due to fall soon…always does around this time."
The full fro with copper highlights began to turn out of her view to expose beautiful brown, doe shaped eyes, full lips and a picture perfect smile. “Is that right?” was the sing song response. “And what might that be?”
"101. The beginning.", Tae responded smiling from ear to ear.
"Capricorn, huh? Mmm. Ok, I’ll play it but if it doesn’t fall, you owe me a dollar!" She chuckled.
"I’ll do you one better. If it doesn’t fall, I’ll owe you dinner. Fair?"
"What makes you think I’m into women?", the mystery woman shot back, now fully facing Tae with her hand on her hip.
"Because you’ve been undressing me with your eyes since you looked up at me…"
A brief silence. Eyes began searching for the next words. A voice from the back found it. “Hurry up! Folks trnya get dey numbas in. Take dat gay hookup mess on na!”, shouted an old head.
Tae turned around and scowled. “Sir, it’s plenty of time. Don’t rush my friend…uh, what’s your name?”
"Toni…and you are?"
"Tae…your new friend." They shook hands. Tae felt a sudden jolt go up her arm. Electricity. A spark. She leaned closer to Toni’s ear, "So…u need my number, friend, so we can see if I owe you a meal or not."
Toni shuddered a bit. The charge raced up her arm, too. She hasn’t been attracted to a woman in years since her last partner left her for a mutual male friend. Undeniably attracted, she quickly went in her bag to retrieve her phone. Handing it to Tae with a look in her eyes, she didn’t need to say another word.
Tae punched her info in and handed the phone back to Toni. “I’m in there…text me or something later and let me know what it is I need to be doing.”
My heart longs to rest easier. My mind has been having the craziest thoughts and it’s draining me. It’s VERY overwhelming at times. Makes me feel crazy like I wonder if I’m a few fries short of a happy meal. Like…it’s not complete up there. I pray God keeps me covered and gives me the wisdom and knowledge to do what I set out to accomplish. The Universe has always been kind to me. I do recognize and am truly grateful for that. This moment where I am mentally and emotionally is some fuck shit. I’ve been concentrating on my physical health hoping it all aligns somehow. “Breathe” is what I constantly tell myself. “Relax” is what they say to me. I’m having some sort of misunderstanding with my spirit trying to do both at the same time. Hurts when breathe is REAL! This pain is slicing me and I’ve never been a cutter. So now I’m taking steps for the better. Took a lot for me to get the nerve to do so. I told Nile and E this a little bit ago, “I’m just tired of being tired, ya know?”
My energy level is due for a recharge.
This, too, shall pass…
I used to mess with a chick named Quanshane. Yea, I know…hood ass name, right? Her looks matched her name…she was cool though. One day, I went over her house to chill and there was another “stud” already over there. I walk in and say whatupdoe, dap the other stud up and chill. She asked me if I smoke and I said hell yea! We went and sat out on the back porch to fire up. Quanshane was nervous because she was kicking it with both of us yet here we are together with no problems. I told the other chick she was cool as hell and we should link up to hang out. So we did… 15 years later, she’s more than a smoking buddy. She’s my sister from another mother. My best friend. My nigga. I thank God for her being in my life. We have our ups and downs but there is no one who knows me like she does. I’m grateful for her being here. I said all this to say, I love you, Fitt. 15 years has gone by and our bond has only gotten deeper. May all your dreams come true. Welcome to another “new year”. Happy Birthday Tina!